Unemployed, again

Time to get real. Today is my last official day in the office. A couple of weeks ago, my boss and I began a discussion that has ended in a decision to part ways. It's been hard not writing about this, but I needed to keep it confidential until the details were confirmed.

Transitioning into unemployment is both very similar and very different than it was a year ago. Last year my initial reaction was shock, heart-break, confusion. I didn't see it coming. But I also had lots of help: severance, a job outplacement consultant, and a network of untapped resources for informational interviews and job prospects.

This time around, I knew it was a possibility that things wouldn't work out. And when it came time to part ways, it felt right. Of course, it's still been difficult. This time there's no severance, no professional help, plus the awkward situation of telling former colleagues, friends, and acquaintances that I'm on the market...again.

All the old, familiar fears have floated up out of the woodwork like animated ghouls: "You'll go broke! No one wants to hire you! You're a looser! You'll never get a job in this economy!" Oh, and all the paperwork! Filing for unemployment. Transferring retirement accounts. Canceling...anything that can be canceled to save money.

And yet, there is also the calm, steady voice from within with its reassuring counter: "You're going to be okay. This part of your life has ended, but a new part is about to begin! You are one step closer to realizing new goals, new dreams, a new life."

So, I will go into the office today. I will pack up my picture frame, shoes, and extra coat. My bowl and bamboo utensils. The stapler I bought with my own money. I'll hand over my files, my key pass, my laptop. And I'll say goodbye to the dedicated, amazing souls that made working there a pleasure.

Then, I'll walk down the stairs, into the lobby that I first entered almost a year to the date. But this time, when I walk through the door, it will not be to an office and coworkers and business. It will be to a cool spring breeze, new flowers, blue skies and the old steady magnolia tree in its glory once more. And I will be okay.

Strangers Lend a Hand

Yesterday when I was reading a Wall Street Journal article on strangers helping strangers find jobs an incident from several years ago came to mind. I was at a diner in Georgetown and had just finished my meal when I realized, to great embarrassment, that I'd forgotten my wallet at home. As I started to explain to my server what had happened, a gentlemen seated further down the counter offered to pay for my meal. I will never forget my feeling of gratitude towards that man for his simple act of kindness.

Having been unemployed several times, the experience transfers. At first, there's a sensation of fear, realizing you no longer have income. Then, you're explaining your situation to people (networking with strangers). And, seemingly out of the blue, a person hears you -- really listens to you -- and offers to help. It never ceases to amaze me that it happens every time. How friends of friends extend their network, former colleagues, spouse's colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances from daycare, old friends from high school and college, and now even virtual acquaintances via Twitter, LinkedIn and the rest.

It's made me realize that I was never truly alone at that diner in Georgetown, and you are not alone either. That this hidden network has always existed, sitting silently on all sides, waiting for the word to step in and help out. That people are pulling for you. That they want you to succeed.

So, if you're unemployed right now, let the shock wear down, start telling people your story, and eventually you will find someone who's listening, someone who has been, in fact, waiting to hear your story.

And if you're employed, open your ears to the conversations around you. Need surrounds us in small ways and large. When we open ourselves to hear the message, we can create better outcomes for everyone, whether it's buying someone lunch, offering a smile, or actually helping a stranger find a new job.

Workout for less

Gym memberships have been on my mind lately. Last year when I was laid off, I had just joined a high end fitness club: individual TVs on all the equipment, towel service, good shampoo, and disposable razors (not that all of my time was spent in the shower, but you know what I mean). And it was the one luxury I could not give up. Instead, I switched to the "matinee plan" which basically meant my hours were restricted to the times when the gym's empty (11am-4pm weekdays, 1-8pm weekends) and that suited me just fine for the months I was without a job.

A year later, I'm starting to rethink the gym membership. For starters, I rarely go anymore -- but not for the reason you're thinking. I don't go because it's more convenient and enjoyable to workout from home. After months of exploring classes, doing circuits on the machines, and trying really hard to enjoy the elliptical, I honed down my workout to two activities: weight lifting and running. The funny thing is, both require next to no equipment.

Dumbbells
Lets talk weight lifting first. In December, I bought this book: Men's Health Ultimate Dumbbell Guide by Myatt Murphy. I bought it because I wasn't seeing results with the weight machines at the gym and I didn't feel like shelling out money for a trainer. I also bought it because the instructions, routines and equipment were simple. The pictures were uncluttered and showed both men and women doing the exercises. As someone who has never been formally trained in dumbbells (or any other weight lifting) this was *so simple* to understand. Total investment was about $30 for dumbbells and $19.95 for the book. Results? AWESOME! In just 2-3 sets per week of the beginner routine, I saw major changes in the first month. Far better than the months of machine work that yielded next to no results.

Running
Next, running. Well, I love running. I'm very slow (11 minute mile, people), but it's one of the most satisfying activities to do outside. It relieves stress and burns calories like nothing else. Plus, there's not too much you need to know, aside from a few good stretches at the end. Investment here was $50 for running shoes and $50 for an iPod shuffle (I need music to run.) Again, outstanding results in a short period of time. Just about all of my pants are loose after a few months of running for 30 minutes 2-4 times per week.

Annual Cost vs. Benefit
My at-home workout of weight lifting and running, which yielded noticeable results, totaled $150. My gym membership, on the other hand, cost $960 for the year, and didn't have much of an impact. So, if you're in the middle of a layoff, or just trying to cut back, I suggest doing a cost/benefit analysis of your exercise expenses versus results for the year. You might discover that it's not much of a sacrifice to ditch the gym membership.

For some additional ideas on how to workout for less, check out this article from the San Diego Union Tribune: "Survival of the Fitness".

The jobs I didn't get

My husband often makes fun of me because I'm constantly cataloging events of the past and infusing them with meaning. Case in point: jobs I didn't get. There are several jobs in my career history that I applied for and really felt I should have gotten, but did not. In each case "not getting the job" paved the way for a bigger, better, or more interesting opportunities. Coincidence? You decide...

The first time around, I was a 22 year old promotion assistant at a TV station in Boston. After about a year on the job, I saw a listing for a position in the station's LA branch writing descriptions of TV for the blind. As a creative writing major and TV lover, I instantly thought it was the perfect job for me. Plus, I was dying to leave Boston. I interofficed my resume to HR and gave my boss a heads-up that I might be leaving soon (cocky, right?). A few weeks passed and nothing. Then, the job's no longer posted. Then, I found out someone else in my department got the job. So, I stayed in Boston and a mere two months later met my future husband at a birthday party (hey, it would have been impossible to attend if I was living in LA).

Next time around, I was a 25 year old cultural arts publicist looking for a new job (preferably one that did not mandate grueling weekend & night performance duty in addition to 9-5 office hours). I applied for a PR position at a local hospital. Made it past two rounds of interviews and felt primed to go all the way. Sent endearing, perfect thank-you cards to all involved. Two weeks later I found out they picked the other finalist. Darn. But then four weeks later, I was offered a PR job at another TV station. where I really wanted to be.

And finally there was last year, I was a 29 year old laid off mom pining over a position at a national broadcast agency. The job description felt like I had written it myself, that's how closely aligned it was with my goals and experience, but what I didn't realize (what I couldn't have known) was that the job was specific for a reason: they had an internal candidate. I didn't even make it past the first interview. The afternoon I got the email was one of my lowest in the job hunt. But (as mentioned in a previous post) a mere five hours later I was offered an invitation to apply for a position as COO of a multimedia non-profit. And you know where that got me...

In short, the universe acts in mysterious ways. Sometimes you just have to accept that what seems like the right fit, is not. There's something else in store for you.

Big house, little house

Last month I went to a party at a mansion: high ceilings, full bar, personal gym, screening room, pool, you name it. One of my friends (not the owner) was showing me around and at the end of the tour, turned to me and said, "Is it wrong that I want this?" That question really struck me. It lingered for days in fact, perhaps because of my childhood.

When I was a kid, I wanted one of two things, to either live in one of the tiniest places possible (I had fantasies about living in this vacant Fotomat booth in our grocery store parking lot) or live in a mansion. There was no in-between. Coming from a regular (albeit, charming) middle class, two story home, I wanted to experience something different.

As it turned out, wish #1 came true. I live in a place slightly larger than a Fotomat booth, smaller than my childhood home, but no where near mansion size. And you know what? I love it.

And so, when my friend posed this question, "Is it wrong that I want this?" it made me wonder, what if things had turned out differently, what if I'd gotten the mansion instead of the townhouse? To my surprise, the mansion suddenly felt like the lesser of the two options. And believe me, it had nothing to do with the house where the party was hosted, which was hands-down gorgeous, but when picturing myself as the owner, here's what came to mind...

• Containment: With a gym, pool, bar and cinema, I would never have a reason to leave the house. And one of my great joys in life is leaving the house. I love chance encounters, sharing spaces, and allowing little diversions to add adventure to my plans.
  

• Cleaning: Big houses take longer to clean. I guess if you own a mansion, you hire someone. For me, cleaning is meditative. A weekly rite that takes exactly one blissful, soul searching, hour.
  

• Things: Lots of space means lots of things, and I only like to own a few things. In fact, I'm constantly plotting ways to get rid of things.
  

• Empty rooms: Mansions have more rooms than people. Even in my parents' house, having more rooms than people kind of freaked me out. I can't sleep thinking about all those vacant spaces.
  

Fate put me in the right house. And in these lean economic times, I'm grateful to have small tastes. The world outside our doors is so big. It kind of makes you wonder why so much attention is put on houses in the first place. We no more own these dusty walls than a tree owns soil or a bee owns air.

Fail Faster to Succeed Sooner

This weekend I stumbled across one of those rare gems in the blogosphere: intersected and its creator Jamie Varon. Ms. Varon is a woman with her priorities in order. She started a job, spent two weeks there, realized it wasn't worth it and quit (w/o another job lined up). What has she done since then... hmmm, started an awesome blog, become a guest contributor to Brazen Careerist , and created a campaign to get hired by Twitter. My opinion? This lady doesn't need Twitter to hire her. She's found her calling. Check out her site for some no-nonsense, follow your passion, get the job of your dream advice.

In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to examine my job search under Varon's "6 Ways to Not Play it Safe " framework. Last year, I actually got a little high minded and set a motto for 2008: fail faster to succeed sooner. Of course, I didn't realize just how soon the universe would help me achieve the first part of my motto by unexpectedly laying me off...three weeks after returning to work from maternity leave.

So, anyway, I pretty much dedicated my year & job search to not playing it safe. But did that philosophy work in my favor? Here's how I measure up against Varon's 6 rules...

1. Go against what everyone tells you to do
Example: Turned down job offers while still unemployed, holding out for a "dream job" and "dream salary."
Result: Got offered a "dream job" and "dream salary" two months later.

2. Listen to your heart and not your logic
Example: My logic told me, "You are under qualified to take this position!" My heart said, "Who cares? You'll learn! Take the position!"
Result: Took the job. It wasn't all pretty, but I learned a hell of a lot more than I would have had I taken a "safer" position at a more established company.

3. Put yourself out there
Example: Arranged informational interviews with anyone who would take my call; put myself in uncomfortable situations; and pitched my skills to strangers.
Result: Awkward? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. I met people who became mentors; received useful advice; and ultimately scored a job.

4. Dance on stage, sing karaoke, be a volunteer at a magic show
Example: Became a regular at a weekly poetry open mic. Read my work to a crowd of strangers.
Result: One of my poems was published on a bus. Met some cool people. Wrote a poem everyday for a month. Allowed myself to feel okay with reading stuff that wasn't perfect.

5. Be clear on your dream(s)
Example: Wrote down my dreams at the start of my search. Then proceeded to have an actual dream (like at night) that not only predicted my exact salary (okay, w/in $500), but also the location (two blocks south of the building I would work in, and the only landmark in the area I would have recognized in a dream).
Result: Offered a job in alignment with the dream description and the "dream" salary & location.

6. Fail
Example: Despite doing everything humanly possible to get a job at one of my favorite organizations (a job I was out of my mind convinced I'd get), I failed to even make it past the first interview (that really hurt). I bawled my eyes out.
Result: A mere five hours after getting my heart crushed, I got a job offer to be the COO at an innovative start-up.

The long & short of it?
Not playing it safe will get you places. Varon's list is a useful frame work for job searching & life. The challenge is to keep up the momentum. To continue to push yourself to the limit. To never stop dreaming. To be uncomfortable. To take risks. To fail faster to succeed sooner.

Bad Day

Well, it's pretty rare, but even I have bad days. Today was one of them. Nothing seemed quite "right" today. And I'm not going to blame situations. It was me. By about noon, I was feeling contracted, defeated, and depressed. So, I went across the street for a cup of tea. Then, with tea in hand, I started to journal through my frustration. Writing always makes me feel better. Whatever situation is troubling me starts to loose its power as it enters the page.

And it got me thinking, what exactly is a "bad day"? How could a "day" be "bad"? Shouldn't every day be appreciated? Shouldn't every day be loved and tended to as something precious? Something rare even? Now I'm going to get a little esoteric and say that I feel all the elements that make me "me" have waited billions and billions of years to live this very day. It will never return again. And here I am wasting it! Calling it "bad" when I should be honoring it.

And as I was pondering this, I started to feel myself expand. Leaving the coffee shop, I looked at the people I passed and smiled -- my lungs filled with air and released their worry out into the wind -- the day was light and the world brimming with possibility again, opportunity ripe for the taking. This was not a "bad day" it was a "day" and there were still many things I could do to make it a wonderful day, and exciting day, an outstanding day -- to do justice to the opportunity to live a day such as this -- to walk out any number of doors -- not into war or rain or famine -- but into serene white clouds, people respectful of each other, soft cool breezes tickling my hair.

This blog is about embracing a layoff, but it's also about embracing the unknown, living in the moment, and engineering more opportunity via optimism. This does not mean, however, that it's always the easy choice. It would have been easier to blame people or situations. It would have been easier to throw a fit. It would have been easier to eat a box of donuts or drink a double espresso. The hard work is realizing and appreciating what is and loving the small moments of the day when truth reveals itself to you. Often it is the "bad" days that give us the most opportunity to seize the moment and learn from our frustration.

So, in honor of "bad days" and Friday the 13th, I challenge you to convert a "bad day" back into a "day" where anything and everything is possible (as it is).

• Change scenes -- get up from where you're sitting and find a peaceful spot...whether that's your bath tub, a walk around the block, a library, a convenient store, a park...wherever you feel you can release yourself from your worries and fear for a moment. Write, drink a cup of tea, read something inspirational, stare at the rows of soda bottles or books or gum. Or simply close your eyes, sit, and be in the moment.
  

• Take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I'm having a hard time, but I know that this is temporary and that I will feel better eventually. There must be something of value today."
  

• Think about the opportunity surrounding you. What would make this a "good day"? Is there something exciting you could do? Is there something nice you could do for yourself or someone else? Would a change in environment help? Would a change in projects or focus help? Would seeing or talking to someone you love help?
  

• Acknowledge the world around you. Hear something. Smell something. See something. Taste something. Ask yourself if you are in pain right now. If you're not in pain, are you in joy? Is there something you could find joy in right now? Something small? Something huge? Could you see one thing today and appreciate it?

And if you're able to do that, I welcome you to share what you appreciate here.